Daft Paragonians, Debtcember is quickly baring down on us.  Soon you will be spending money on gifts for people you don’t even really like that much because at some point in your genetic history they used the same womb as temporary housing as someone else that you may like.  Either that or you work with them and you drew a name from a hat.

Stupid hat.

We here on the Daft Paragon ranch are not immune to the effects of Debtcember.  We also don’t get review copies of jack squat1.  So after the break, reviews of gear based solely on the looks of the gear.


There has never been a seven string Ibanez Jem, unless you count the Universe which was originally going to be a Jem.  Of course the Universe never came with the “Lion’s Claw” route behind the bridge2 or the “Monkey Grip” handle in the upper bout.  Except for a handful of prototypes that Steve Vai had or a gajillion replacement bodies or a half a gajillion original bodies that were modified.  The fact is that Ibanez now offers a seven string Jem straight from the factory, it’s the 6 Series GranCoupe of guitars3

Does this mean that the Universe is now like the RG550 of seven strings?  Are the people on Jemsite now spinning themselves into a frenzy trying to explain why this is different from a UV on anything other than a purely cosmetic level?4

Daft Paragon Says

Unless you’re hard up for a seven string that matches your Jem 7V, the Indonesian Universe is really the best buy.  If you’re not hung up on the middle single coil a high end RG is a better buy still.


Zoltan Bathory’s new Deans come with both a timely and tasteful5 AR-15 style handle.

Let's call them an "homage"

Let’s call them an “homage”

If you don’t want to swagger jack Kane Roberts there’s also the less “look at me!!! I’m from a red state6!!!!!” option

image_zps97389224Daft Paragon Says

Without opening a can of gun control worms7.  Holy mother of crap is  first one tacky!!!!!  The second one is…ok, but neither is as cool as the BC Rich ASM.  If it where my money, I’d find one of those used.


Squire Telecasters are possibly the best kept secret in all of guitardom.  Remember, the Tele was designed as a working man’s guitar, the half bagajillion dollar custom shop models are pretty far away from the original concept.  That being said, a lot of those cheapies are a pickup swap away from being great guitars.  This particular model has a bridge humbucker that appeals to my chugga chugga leanings.

Daft Paragon Says

For less than $150 including tax and/or shipping, you can’t not do this.



Washburn has introduced the Parallaxe series to go after the “high end metal” guitar market.  Available in Strat or Les Pauly shapes with set or Stephens Extended Cutaway necks.  Sorry, busy wiping drool from my keyboard.

Daft Paragon Says


  1. One day…one day.
  2. How many fingers does a lion have, anyway?
  3. The BMW 6 Series GranCoupe is a four door version of the 6 Series, which is a two door version of the 5 Series.  So it’s a four door version of a two door version of a four door car. Got that? Neither does anyone else.
  4. My experience would say, “yes,” but hell if I’m going there to see.
  5. Irony
  6. I’m a native Alabaman who lives in Georgia.  I think I qualify
  7. Because if there’s one thing the internet loathes, it’s a nuanced position and intelligent discussion.  That’s two things