Judging Books By Their Covers Pt. 4

Ho! Ho! Oh Crap, Look at that Visa bill!!!!
Wait, Chanukah starts TOMORROW?!?!?!?!?!?

As we approach the Ides of Debtcember1 and embark on the last time Chanukah falls on Thanksgiving for some five digit number of years2 we look at multi-effects processors.

The Digitech IPB-10

Spoiler: This is the dumbest thing ever.
Spoiler: This is the dumbest thing ever.

Digitech decided that it would be awesome to harness the power of iOS by putting a $500 computing device in a frame that you use with your feet.  Added bonus to the first person to throw a pitcher of beer at the band3.

Daft Paragon Says

Not to put too fine a point on it, but you want to put your expensive, relatively fragile future device on the floor, that’s fine, dumb, but your money.  But you know how about every other iteration of their iOS lineup Apple decides that its previous made out of fairy dust and unicorn farts, proprietary connectors have to be replaced by a new connector made out of Dumbledore’s ashes and the tears of baby dragons?  You know how when they do that you’re forced to buy all new crap or adaptors for the crap that may actually work with adaptors.  You know that?


This would be marginally less stupid if it was for Android or Windows 8 or any OS that connected via USB, but only marginally because TABLETS SHOULDN’T BE AROUND FEET.

The Digitech Element XP

That's Better...
That’s Better…

The not quite the runt of the litter Element XP takes Digitech’s Element foot pedal and adds an expression pedal.  Think of it as a modern day RP200.

Daft Paragon Says

I own an old Digitech RP100.  It still works and it still sounds good.  For the beginning guitarist who’s parents didn’t buy a modelling amp or the experienced guy who wants to get into multi-effects on the cheap it’s hard to go wrong with the low end Digitech stuff.

Line 6 POD HD Pro X



Taking the latest level of PODiness and putting it in a rack unit for all of you (weird) people who don’t want their effects pedals at their feet.  It’s cool, because you get to spend extra money on a foot controller for it.

Daft Paragon Says

Generalissimo Jay isn’t a big fan of Line 6.  He is wrong.

The Zoom G5


Zoom burst onto the scene in the 90s miniaturizing rack mounted multi-effects units into palm sized wonder boxes.  Their effects can be heard on everything from Snap!’s “The Power” to “The Power” by Snap!.  The G5 continues their tradition of twee looking effects units.

Daft Paragon Says

I just kinda want to hug it.

The Eventide H9



Back in the day guitarists everywhere where trying to save up Axe-FX money to buy an Eventide Harmonizer4 so they could play that one Steve Vai song

These days you can do it with a stomp box.

Daft Paragon Says

A $600(US) stomp box.

The Behringer V-Amp Pro

v-amp pro Behringer does this thing; let’s call it “not reverse engineering popular items and selling them for a fraction of the cost of the original.”

Daft Paragon Says

This is actually a cheat.  I own a V-Amp Pro.  I bought it like 10 years ago.  From what I can tell the new ones that you can buy today are the exact same as that one.  So, yeah.  It doesn’t sound bad, but even new some of the interfacing options were outdated.  The upside is, again, it doesn’t sound bad at all and you can buy it with the change in your couch cushions.

  1. The Ides is not actually the 15th of every month, there’s a system to it, but high school Latin was a long, long time ago and typing “Wikipedia.org” is hard.
  2. Let’s be honest, humanity will have destroyed itself by the time the next time rolls around.
  3. I saw this happen to Judas Piest.  I mean, it was with Ripper Owens, but still, it had KK Downing, so it was as valid as the version of the band that’s playing now.
  4. Eventide actually trademarked the term “Harmonizer”
  • Hey I’ve been using my Spider IV 75 (with a better speaker) for a little while now and it’s sounding pretty good. The biggest problem is that even in a practice environment, when you get into “being heard above a drummer” volume, it starts to sound pretty funky. Almost like the bitrate goes down as the volume goes up. I’m terrified of playing it live because of this.

  • G. Edward Jones

    Weird, I’ve never heard of this. The whole point of a modelling amp to me is it sounds fairly consistent at all volumes.